Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Hitching on an Empire (magazine)
The mainstream "Empire magazine" is a British magazine that provides news and reviews of films. It is in fact a rather reliable magazine for information, in that it does not fabricate its content, unlike many other magazines. However it stands as more than a reliable film news source and critique of films. Interestingly enough it can also be considered an academic resource. I however don't believe this is an accurate statement; their review of films is often blind sighted by the actual "academic" perspective of things, and leads a trail of distaste as it focuses heavily on a personal entertainment value leaving out any room for ambiguity. Point in case:
Hitch
If this this film doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth, then you either have poor taste or no taste buds (which I guess is a symptom of poor taste). For those who are unfamiliar with a 5 star rating system, 5 usually equates to the best of the best, 4, a great effort, coherent and entertaining, 3, good, 2, bad, 1, no studio would commission this film is except one headed by a caterpillar with a brain tumor and thought it would make him rich, because it made no sense. For this film, Hitch to get 3 stars is an insult to human intellect. Why would a film about a man who gives dating advice to other guys are attracted to a specific some one (but have no prior chemistry) in order to make them come together, but happen to not be able to utilise any of his own advice be worthy of 3 stars? well the easy answer is, it's not. Not only is the writing terrible, and the scenario bizarre to the point that its frustratingly bad (If hes so secretive, how does he get business, furthermore, why does he live in a 4 million dollar apartment with perfect placement?). The screenplay forgets that there are in fact hundreds, if not thousands of Pick up artists, who both practice and teach within New York state, and believes somehow the one who doesn't self promote, and can't actually "pick up" is the richest of them all.
"LOL I got no idea what i'm doing, but give me money please"
Oh and let us not forget the racist overtones; how the overweight white guy has to fall in love with the attractive white girl. Oh wait, and the other two cast members who by the way, are minorities (black and hispanic) also have to be brought together in love - segregation much? And this then comes to the final dance sequence at the end of the film... Firstly, THIS IS NOT A BOLLYWOOD FILM, so why the hell do we need an insignificant dance party to prove to us none of the cast know how to dance? furthermore, half of the characters don't know each other, so why are they dancing together like they've been best friends forever? Do they not have other friends than each other? Oh no! I get it! they're trying to make up for their racist overtones by saying "in the end, we shall be united, despite being strangers". No, it's actually just a shit film.
Don't watch this film, ever... please.
-CROF
Hitch
If this this film doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth, then you either have poor taste or no taste buds (which I guess is a symptom of poor taste). For those who are unfamiliar with a 5 star rating system, 5 usually equates to the best of the best, 4, a great effort, coherent and entertaining, 3, good, 2, bad, 1, no studio would commission this film is except one headed by a caterpillar with a brain tumor and thought it would make him rich, because it made no sense. For this film, Hitch to get 3 stars is an insult to human intellect. Why would a film about a man who gives dating advice to other guys are attracted to a specific some one (but have no prior chemistry) in order to make them come together, but happen to not be able to utilise any of his own advice be worthy of 3 stars? well the easy answer is, it's not. Not only is the writing terrible, and the scenario bizarre to the point that its frustratingly bad (If hes so secretive, how does he get business, furthermore, why does he live in a 4 million dollar apartment with perfect placement?). The screenplay forgets that there are in fact hundreds, if not thousands of Pick up artists, who both practice and teach within New York state, and believes somehow the one who doesn't self promote, and can't actually "pick up" is the richest of them all.
Oh and let us not forget the racist overtones; how the overweight white guy has to fall in love with the attractive white girl. Oh wait, and the other two cast members who by the way, are minorities (black and hispanic) also have to be brought together in love - segregation much? And this then comes to the final dance sequence at the end of the film... Firstly, THIS IS NOT A BOLLYWOOD FILM, so why the hell do we need an insignificant dance party to prove to us none of the cast know how to dance? furthermore, half of the characters don't know each other, so why are they dancing together like they've been best friends forever? Do they not have other friends than each other? Oh no! I get it! they're trying to make up for their racist overtones by saying "in the end, we shall be united, despite being strangers". No, it's actually just a shit film.
Don't watch this film, ever... please.
-CROF
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Citizen journalism's a bitch.
Abstemiousness is now the minority of today's hyper-masculine shallow world of sex, drugs, n Rock & Roll. (not that any of those things shouldn't be condoned.) For those who aren't prone to words exceeding 10 letters, "abstemiousness" refers to the sparing use of... well anything really. If the lack of abstemiousness is not so immediate to you, ask yourself, why you would need 20% more of something when you shop at a super market? If you can happily rebuttle "value for money", then this so called "value" should be default, and not as an additional extra.
If you're still reading, then this level of critical analysis will be used on one of my favourite entertainment mediums; film. It's become an annual stress for myself to watch a flurry of trailers for upcoming films, conveniently placed in holiday periods, laden in CGI (Computer-generated Imagery) or films generously covered in famed actors and actresses alike in order to pull in the obsessive audiences, only to have their expectations shattered (or met if you're really that obsessed) when they realise the film is about as cohesive as a French riot, and was clearly writen by a buttless monkey smoking a cigar. With that in mind actually it befalls on me that the current method of reviewing a film for its face value is insufficient. The context of the setting, and for the cast, their actual ability to understand the depth of their own characters and those around them is a necessity to understand why films that are bad enough to kick start a new recession are let through.
In summary (or in better words, for those who did not enjoy the first two paragraphs of harsh similes) beyond the film itself, I'll be reviewing the context of the subject, both in and out of the film with a critical angle with little punctuation. The upcoming review will be a film that was written with the thinking pattern: "hmm, does any one actually do this in real life? Of course not! Who would've thought of that! I'm a genius, and I'm going to make this into a script!" haven't figured it out yet? it's a movie called "Hitch".
-CROF
If you're still reading, then this level of critical analysis will be used on one of my favourite entertainment mediums; film. It's become an annual stress for myself to watch a flurry of trailers for upcoming films, conveniently placed in holiday periods, laden in CGI (Computer-generated Imagery) or films generously covered in famed actors and actresses alike in order to pull in the obsessive audiences, only to have their expectations shattered (or met if you're really that obsessed) when they realise the film is about as cohesive as a French riot, and was clearly writen by a buttless monkey smoking a cigar. With that in mind actually it befalls on me that the current method of reviewing a film for its face value is insufficient. The context of the setting, and for the cast, their actual ability to understand the depth of their own characters and those around them is a necessity to understand why films that are bad enough to kick start a new recession are let through.
In summary (or in better words, for those who did not enjoy the first two paragraphs of harsh similes) beyond the film itself, I'll be reviewing the context of the subject, both in and out of the film with a critical angle with little punctuation. The upcoming review will be a film that was written with the thinking pattern: "hmm, does any one actually do this in real life? Of course not! Who would've thought of that! I'm a genius, and I'm going to make this into a script!" haven't figured it out yet? it's a movie called "Hitch".
-CROF
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